I want to write something so raw that it shocks the people I love. I want them to have troubles taking it all in.

I want to use words like semen and rape and pain and blood and scars and maybe even the word laceration.

But you know, I have a hard time saying much of anything of importance these days.

And I know the way your eyes close when you look at me. I can feel it. I know you think I'm lost or maybe just so damaged that I can't be repaired.

The truth is, I'm a little afraid I'm getting there myself. But its funny, because my skin, my shell, keeps going on day to day.

I have pains in my back and in my ears and in my hands. But I keep smiling.

And maybe this is what its like to be thrown away.

And you thought I'd forgotten.

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Last Five:
- - 2005-04-16
- - 2004-11-21
-- - 2004-10-10
- - 2004-09-04
- - 2004-08-28