I broke into a place I don't have given access to today. Sometimes my memory astounds me. The fact that I remembered the password. And then it all opened up for me.

I went in to get things of my own. Words that I've written. I was just going to get those things and then leave. But I didn't. I stayed awhile, read somethings I didn't say. Read some things other people gave. And took it all in.

I don't regret this. I don't feel guilty. I feel sort of bad because I don't feel those things. But that is all.

There are a lot of times I think about the things I've done in the past and wonder why I don't feel bad about them. Sure, so I tell myself "No regrets, Brenda. None" all the time. But maybe I should feel bad about them anyways. Even if I'm not regretting it.

I can look back on my past and laugh and say "I can't believe I got away with that" and add "for so long" to some of the times. I can't believe I got away with that for so long... And I still don't feel bad.

Maybe that makes me a bad person. But I don't feel like a bad person. I look back on the things I've done and know they weren't smart in a lot of cases. But I got away with them! I know that doesn't make them right. But it adds flavour to my life, for sure.

I know a lot of people don't know all of the things I've done. Not to brag. I don't want to jump in on some conversations and say something like "Yeah! I did that too!" Because it's not something to be proud of. It's just somethings I've done.

There's so much of me being vague here. I just don't think its necessary for me to catalog all of my actions here.

That place I broke into without given access..I read some things that weren't mine. I didn't even end up taking what I went there for. I just closed it up after and left. And I'll probably go back sometime. Maybe tonight, to get what I went for.

And I still don't feel bad. This invasion of someone else's privacy doesn't sit uncomfortably under my skin. Just like all the other things I've done I'm aware of what I'm doing. I know what the possible consequences are. But I won't stop myself even with knowing them..

Don't get me wrong. I don't think the world owes me anything. We're born thinking things are going to be great. We learn things will never be the same. We die with the hope that we did the best we could. The world doesn't owe us shit. I know that.

But I don't stop myself.

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Last Five:
- - 2005-04-16
- - 2004-11-21
-- - 2004-10-10
- - 2004-09-04
- - 2004-08-28