You know, I'm upset. And I don't even want to say why or about what.

Some of my having absolutely no idea whats wrong with me is a factor of that. I just want to disassociate myself from everyone.

Which is kind of sad. Considering that everyone is leaving for school or marriage and I'll be left here. Okay, so not everyone. But the people who are leaving are a huge part of my life. Even if I don't see them as often as I used to.

Tomorrow there is a "party" at my house. Drinking, bring your own hooch. Or bring me some hooch. I like saying hooch and meaning booze right now. It makes me feel like a girl on Chicago or something.

Ah fuck this is meaningless. All of it is.

Tomorrow people are coming over, and thats fine and nice and everything. But a big part of me wants to call Brian back and tell him that no, I'm not up for it. In fact I'll be really busy with painting all day, because we finally started. And yes, I realize a lot of people are leaving. And yes I do care. But no, sorry...maybe some other time.

And then some other time will roll around and it won't happen. And I'm upset. But, at the same time I'm accepting it.

Because what choice do I have?

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Last Five:
- - 2005-04-16
- - 2004-11-21
-- - 2004-10-10
- - 2004-09-04
- - 2004-08-28