I'm tired of playing those games where I pretend to care about him. He pretends to care about me. We play nice. Then he "grrr"s and I come back and he's gone. And then the next time we talk it all happens again.

I just want to say to him that I really don't want to pretend anymore. That I'd rather it be real and there then fake and not, anyday. And pretending is so trying. So tiring. That I'd rather NOT have it then pretend like I do.

Even if it means being one more ounce alone. One more gram lonely. Even if it means I'm that much closer to being Just Me With No One Else.

Capitalize it so it sounds a little less frightening.

I'll show him what my hands were made for. I'll show him what I was made for. But not who I am. And then when I disappear he'll "grr" and I'll pretend I came back.

But I'm still gone.

[All of this because I find myself telling him things about me that I know I told him months ago. All of this because he never listened but took it all in for himself anyways. And never any thank you or pay backs.

I know too many people who take and take and forget to give. And my mother wonders why I'm always so tired...]

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Last Five:
- - 2005-04-16
- - 2004-11-21
-- - 2004-10-10
- - 2004-09-04
- - 2004-08-28